I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
