Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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