I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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