She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize