Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
