I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
