i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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