He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
