highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize