DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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