Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
