hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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