yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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