This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
