Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize