The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
