then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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