The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
