I wannas sexs uuuuu
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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