Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
