if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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