Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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