Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
