I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can I color on your dick again?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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