She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
