Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
