Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
