To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
