I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
