True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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