You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
