Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
