so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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