Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
