You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
