The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
