Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
