You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
