your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
