she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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