apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Someone signed my nipple.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
