it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
