I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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