I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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