Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
