Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
