oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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