For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
