my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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