i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize