you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
