Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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