I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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