I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
