They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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