you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
