After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
