Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
