you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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