Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
