Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
