Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
