That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You're a waste of cheezeits
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
