Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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