I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
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