I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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