yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
