On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
