Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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