FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
