Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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