I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
