I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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