She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
