I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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