I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
