i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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