Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
