I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
