And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
