the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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