nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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