Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
