So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
