Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
