nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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