3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
