Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
