Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
