Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
