So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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