Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
