Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
