I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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