Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize