I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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