I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
