My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
