I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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