I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize